At a therapist's suggestion, I was going for a "look see" at a treatment program on Friday morning, so I had my last drink the on a Thursday night. The only thing unusual about my (hopefully) last drink is that I got cut off by the bartender -- something that hadn't happened to me before. I wasn't even that drunk. I was just being an obnoxious jerk -- a role I excelled in after 30 years of drinking and no spiritual rudder guiding my ship.
Between going to bed that night and waking up the next morning, something happened I can't explain. But I woke up different.
I kept my appointment at the outpatient treatment center and was given an orientation by a gentle man named Dean, himself a recovering alcoholic. Of all that Dean told me I really only remember that he said that I probably have a disease call alcoholism and it wasn't my fault that I had it. He also said that now that I knew my problem, I had a responsibility to myself to find a solution.
I had spent my last $3700 of credit on my Visa card as a down payment to get into the program. And with three days sober, I attended my first group session on Monday morning. There were six of us in the new group -- all shaky like me. I recall one girl was particularly hot. (God works in mysterious ways.) Anyways, they handed us l San Diego Meeting Schedules and told us that we had to attend at least three AA meetings a week or else they would kick us out. "Except for you, Jeff" Because I was unemployed I had to attend a meeting every day. Not knowing that this is the best thing they could have told me, I was of course resentful for being singled out.
The next day, Tuesday, at 11:45 AM I made my way up the back steps of the church for my first AA meeting. I was greeted by Will C., a gentle older man who seemed genuinely glad to see me. (No one had been genuinely glad to see me in years.) Slowly a few other members began to arrive and all warmly welcome me. They gave me some AA pamphlets and another meeting directory and everyone in turn wrote their name and phone number in the back. I still have that meeting directory today.
As soon as the sharing started a strange feeling came over me. It was a feeling of belonging, of fitting in. It's was as if, at age 47, I had found my way home for the first time. I was filled with hope that a new and better life was possible for me.
Since that day almost 14 years ago I try to make sure that the newcomers get the same kind of welcome I received. I have been privileged to see hope replace hopelessness in a number of men and women here in China during the past 10 years. Last night I saw the light in the eyes of three newcomers where just a few weeks before there had only been pain and confusion. What a great way to live.